Work, Work, Work !

Today is my first day of becoming an official employee in Indahku Studio. I'm gonna be very serious. I chose this to be my future so I'm gonna work hard. This is for my parents. For my dad especially. I'm goin to continue his legacy. God willing.

Just go

I wont stop you. Just go. I'm trying not to think about it. So just let it be. Goodbye my almost lover. Goodbye my hopeless dream. Just leave the scar time could heal it. So long my luckless romance. My back is turned on you. Should have known you bring me heartache. Almost lover always do.

Envy

Sometimes I think I'm being too transparent. I wish I could be a little bit more mysterious so that people who really wanna know me would put more effort to dig it up. But somehow, I cant hide it. I think I am a transparent type of person. I found a hard time learning you. I mean, you are unpredictable. So its hard for me to understand you yet know what's in your heart, what you're thinking. I think I became a bit paranoid because I'm afraid that I might hurt your feeling somewhere I don't know. And I'm scared that you might ignore me again, like before, which really drove me crazy! So I don't want that. But yet, it's hard for me to swim through your thick layer of mysteriousness. I don't wanna lose you. Not now. I envy you. How could you hide most part of your life while I'm being too loud about myself. You always left me confused. Even when you don't even speak. You always keep me wondering. Or maybe I'm the one who keep wondering everything about you. Doubt at you even when you might be real. Maybe I like you too much that I felt so insecure. Maybe I want you to prove something to me. Perhaps, at least, your feelings towards me. Well I know. I wont push you. I'll keep those wonders to myself. Coz the truth may hurt and the happiness might not last for long. So what do you say? Follow the flow? Well easy for you and I'm weak. I keep losing from the very beginning.

Am I dying ?

I dont wanna see doctor. I dont wanna know what's wrong with me. Because I'm scared. I'm scared of the fact that something might go wrong with my body. My health. Maybe I should just need to be calmed whenever I got the attacks. Breathing difficulties. Never ending coughs. I should pray that my lungs be good to me. I hate that feeling. I hate that taste. It taste like blood but I will never try to spit 'em just to find out whether its blood or what. I wont. I'm too scared. "Please see the doctor" So tell me, for what? Another prescription? Well recently the doctor said that my anti-body were too weak that I cant simply take pills. They might be too strong that my body cant handle which then leads to harmful effects. Now, how? Do I still need to see those doctors? And what's next? Ohhh yeah my digestive system also being too sensitive. Just eating meat could caused me internal bleeding. What's that? I shat blood! So explain to me how shouldn't I freak out. They're too much that I dont have the guts to give a fuck about it. Be calm and acting natural. I'm okay. Now, who wants to marry me, raise your hand! Yeahh no one. Coz I'm one hell of trouble.

Straight Face

First time I saw you, 
I felt something. We barely talk.

First time I saw your sleepy face,
I like your messy hair. You smiled. I think you're cute. I stared at you while you smoking outside.

First time we hang out,
I followed them from behind.

First time you text me,
I love how you keep the conversation alive.


First time we met just the two of us,
I ate a burger and you want Barbican but they dont have it. Well I'm glad you came.


First time we're out on a date,
Paint hunting and KFC. Teased me with those screen grabs. I dont know how to react.

First time we went to watch a movie together,
In Time. Was fuckin cold then you hold my hand. Thank god its dark coz I'm blushed. 

First time you brought me to a gig,
I got the chance to meet your friends. I observed how you socialized. 


First time you made my heart pounding so hard,
I cant refuse it. I'm scared.


First time you ignoring me,
I'm clueless. I'm not lying but I guess I've been misunderstood. 


First time you broke my heart,
Only my best friend knows how I've been.


Well YOU. Thanks for every first time that we had. If only you know how much it hurts when you've been ignored by someone important to you. I dont know what else to do. I tried. And I keep trying to neutralize whats been happening between us but I dont think you like the idea. The more I waited the more I'm hurt. If only you would understands my reluctance. I dont know what I am to you now. Your face flooded in my memory; both in my mind and in my phone. Everyday I questioned myself should I keep it or should I clean them all. I keep wondering if my image still safely saved in your phone. Or at least, in your mind. I just dont know what to think. Sometimes I feel like giving up because we both know that we're wrong at the first place. We're never supposed to be like this. But who can ever deny FEELINGS? Well YOU, I'm willing to wait. But tell me is it worth the wait? Or you want me to let go. Tell me.

Total lost

Bety,

You lose the game. You lose your dignity. You may die now. Enough said. 

Pounding Heart

Pounding heart. Thousands of thoughts running through my head and I'm speechless. Guess what? I'm scared.

WHY

Well recently I kinda involving myself with something that I would say complicated. Yeah I'm tired figuring out. It's just that I cant seem to resist the vibe, but somehow, if I allow it to myself then it's gonna be yeah;complicated. I am now might losing the main reason of this entry. hahaha. But the bottom line is I am in a very confused state of mind. The question of should or should not. No matter how strong the rush of allowing you to invade my heart, I can never be too strong to hold a knife and stab that back. But I know I cant resist your existence. Your image spreading in my veins. Every time those voice speaks, my heart pounding so hard. Pardon friends if I always caught smiling to my blackberry. There is one person in there being the reason to smile. And please checking up my phone now will be totally no no. Especially you. Because I think I'm stealing something from you. That's the secret I can never tell. I'm feeling guilty. I'm suffocated with this guilt. WHY? Bety you shouldn't be too confident about your feelings towards people. Those feelings might change. Those stupid crush you assumed might infect every inch of your heart until there's no way to stop them. And now you lose. You got trapped in your own game. It's an insane situation when a USER being in love with the PLAYER.

Guilty Pleasure :)

Have both of you living in a happy life? I doubt that hihi. Where are you guys now? I kinda miss your pathetic stupid "show off" dramas. Camon' man bring it on! Is that all you've got? Duuhhh... I told you so. Once your shit ain't got no impact on me, it's all useless now. I guess you're stuck with it huh? Too bad hihi :D

Nak Habaq maiii

What's up with the title? hehehe never mind. Okay I've been looking for a perfect time to update this blog but you know sometimes the feeling is not really there. There are plenty of things to share here but yeahhh I dont feel like writing. But today is a lovely day and I want to write a bit just to update some recent stuff happening so far. Well I've finished my 3 years study in UiTM Lendu, Melaka. So that means I'm leaving Melaka yeaayyyy! Its kinda funny though. Come to think of it, I used to say before that one day when I can finally get the fuck out of Lendu, I wont missed anything there. Including who I met, any memories 3 years back blablabla NOTHING! Coz I used to hate everything about Melaka. However now, I'm sad. I cant afford to leave all the memories there. My friends. My best friends. All the good times and the hard times. That day I had one last hug with my best buddy. Guess what, I burst in tears. I know it will be hard for us to hang out together after this. 

I'm staying in KL for a week. Just to give myself a chance to have a good time with my friends. And I'm having a great time! I know I should do that more often after this. I don't know what but I feel the rush of positiveness in my body. I mean that I'm starting to forget the past and bad part of my life back then and try to enjoy life! So many things I planned since I'm not attached to any university commitment anymore. I wanna try new stuff. I wanna be a fun person which I guess I used to be. Well yes I wanna be a positive person. 

I can see that despite of my misery and dull life, there still one point along the journey which makes me happy. One state of life which puts every thing into a fine place. I did things that I thought I could never done. People who I least expected came and approached me. I make new friends. I talk much than before. You see, I think my brain just starts to work properly now. Pardon my poor time I've spent with that pathetic guy who basically leads to my clogged brain. Rebooting the system and voila! Brilliant person just have been reborn. Uekkk Uekkk...

p/s: Hot hot chicken shit. Ever heard of it before?  

Aku Tak Pernah

Well recently I've been distracted with a few stuff which I think mostly those stupid stuff coming from those morons. I tell you what, all those shit never give much impact on me. I guess you're wrong. Don't tell me that you think I'm that kind of person who would responds to any of that drama. why? Well one thing for sure, When I said you're out, then you're done. Secondly, I could barely felt anything against what you've been bragging about because anything about you are not so important to me. And thirdly, she's nothing compared to me. How can I be so sure? Well, attitudes. But it's funny though. Thanks for giving me a pleasure to laugh my ass out. So that's it. You got it all wrong. We used to be together, and I knew you almost perfectly. So everything you did, I've figured. I'm prepared! So what you did were all useless. Ngantuk sial. So bye bye. I'm off to finish my last assignment.

p/s: Why would I want to give a damn about your new toy? it's cheap btw. And hehehe... kinda outdated. I'm sorry :D

Random

Haiii everyone! I know it's been quite some time since my last post. I kinda busy plus there was one fuck bastard who broke into my house in Melaka WHILE I'M SLEEPING and manage to get away with my dear boyfriend; my blackberry of course I'm fuckin' single remember? Together with some cash and my broadband. I'm glad he forgot to bring along my laptop with him though he did intended to take it. So yeah. I'm okay. That's more important right? 

So there have been lot of things happening. I just wanna ignore it coz mostly, it was just stupid stuff that I think it dont deserves my attention. I've rather care about my shit than to mind about errr whatever. Well yes I appreciate those times and things that I've gone through so far coz it helps me learn people a bit more deep. I hope I can tear this one page, one chapter of my life which I considered as "biggest mistake". But looking back, I cant right? So realizing that we cant tear that particular page, it dont stop us to just burn the whole book into the fire right? Sounds brilliant!

I wanna do something for myself. Someone told me that I live my life based on people's expectations. I never live to please my own self. Well hmmmm I think he's right. So I'm planning to please myself with what I want. I found pleasure of being single. Every time. Maybe I should just being in love with myself instead of other people. If only I can marry my own self would be a happy ending haha. But every one know its pathetic. Hmmm. I'm thinking of an escape tour. Spend time overseas and look how its like. One more brilliant idea.

Sorry. Its all bullshits.

Aku dah cuba yang terbaik untuk baiki semua benda yang dah jadi. Aku cuba bersabar. Aku cuba ikut game kau. Tapi semua tak kena pada kau. Yelah hati yang dah tertutup susah nak dipujuk. Atau lebih tepat, hati yang sudah ada pengganti lain, susah nak terima yang lama. Aku dah cuba buat perpisahan ni se-aman mungkin. Aku taknak musuh-musuh dengan orang. Tapi aku tak faham kenapa kau nak sangat ajak aku bermusuh dengan kau? Aku tak libatkan sesiapa. Tapi kau tak pernah nak percaya cakap aku. Aku tak pernah hasut sesiapa untuk benci kau. Semua yang jadi ada alasan dia sendiri. Tapi aku siapa nak control keputusan orang? Tapi tu pon kau tak boleh faham. Sekarang ni aku terima je kata-kata kau, apa kau nak buat, dengan siapa kau nak rebound. Aku tau tu kerja bodoh yang hati kau pon tak rasa nak buat. Tapi kau nak sakitkan aku kan? Tu tujuan sebenarnya kan? So go on. Buatlah. Aku harap semua ni buat aku jadi lebih kuat. Aku just nak kau tau yang aku ikhlas selama aku hidup dengan kau. Tak pernah terlintas nak bersama kau sebab rupa atau harta kau. Aku suka kau sebab kau. Aku tau aku orang yang paling kau benci sekarang. Sorry aku dah cuba buat kau faham. Tapi aku tak dapat nak halang apa yang kau fikir pasal aku. Sumpah nama Allah aku tak pernah burukkan kau dekat family aku. Tu je menda yang aku harap kau tau. Sebab aku tak benci kau pon. Jadi takde motif untuk aku buat family aku benci kau. Tapi seriously aku tak tau apa yang ada dalam fikiran abah. Even Kekdah tertanya-tanya kenapa abah cari orang lain. SEMUA orang tak tau melainkan abah. Mungkin dia cuba jaga hati aku. tu aku tak tau! Tapi terpulang pada kau kalau kau rasa semua ni cakap kosong penipu semuanya. you see, cerita tentang keburukan ex adalah sesuatu yang sangat memalukan bagi aku. Buat apa aku nak cerita buruk pasal kau. Tak pasal semua orang akan tau yang aku pernah bercinta dengan orang yang salah. So baik diam. Tapi kau tak pernah faham yang tu. Cool ke kalau aku cerita kat orang kau pernah ada affair dengan kawan aku sendiri? Cool ke kalau aku cerita kat orang yang kau dah lama nak kat adik kawan kau? Buat malu aku je kalau aku cerita kan? Hmmm... Aku harap satu hari nanti kau akan faham apa yang cuba aku cakap ni. Aku harap satu hari nanti kau nampak yang aku tak pernah ada niat buruk dekat kau. Harap kau nampak satu hari nanti. Untuk masa sekarang, semoga bahagia dengan hidup kau. Mungkin hidup kau jadi lebih baik lepas aku blah. Dan sudah semestinya kau akan jumpa yang lagi baik. Ingat lagi tak kau cakap "kau blah,10 lagi tunggu"? Aku ingat kata-kata tu. Sampai bila-bila.

I just love you

have you ever feel the feeling of failing to resist someone? I mean by the fact that you can't even get over someone no matter how much you've been hurt? Yes I'm having that feeling now. You see I'm not that type of girl who like to chase boys. I mean, if he cant be mine so I prefer to just let it be. If he cant appreciate me, I'll walk away. But but but I just cant do it with him. No matter how much I'm hurt, all I think of is just to forgive forgive and forgive. But heyy I'll never forget. Its just that his kindness, his gentleness, and his responsibilities towards everything has smashed all my bad feelings and anger and disappointment towards him. So rationally, I still love him and always will. I hope so. I hope that this feeling will never fade. Because I'm happy being around him. I'm happy to be one of his important person. So yes humans are sometimes make mistakes right? So do I. I admit that I have done too many shit so far and he still be cool about it. That one thing I love most about him. He's a forgiving person. That's why I'm trying to be one.

Life Goes On

How many time you have to be reminded that you can never expect more. Expect less, give more. Complaints less, appreciate more. But still, you failed. Being strong. That's the only option you have. So deal with it.

The Battle Begin!

Two weeks to go. I'm all set for this battle. I got my eyes on you Kim Kardashian!

That Was a Perfect Date.

There's always something better waiting for a patient person. Yes I know I've been like totally bitching  myself here at my previous entry. Because I'm so mad and frustrated. But somehow I managed to control myself and just let it go. So the reward for my action is a perfect date we had last night. 

So he brought me to dine at T'Jantik Art Bistro which I always wanted to go all this while. The place was awesome and very romantic. We were like sooo awkward because we haven't been in that kind of mood for quite some times. Their dimmed lights, along with french love songs playing at the back, and there was only me and him at the section. We talk and talk and talk which reminds me of our first date. hehe that sweet. So the food were nice and yeahh. I personally think its the coolest place in Kuantan. Never thought we have that kind of place here hihi. 

* He picked me Kebaya for raya. And late night movie ironically gave us some flashbacks on our movie date back in high school time. We was like, whispering to each other and ignoring the Captain America. haha. Nice one sweetheart. Thank you so much. So there goes my birthday =)

Tak Salah Kalau Bersabar, kan?

Yes my new resolution from now on is to be a much much more stronger person and trying to be patient and rational in everything I do. Especially towards my current relationship. I promised myself to be what he wanted me to be; Si Bety yang PENYABAR. I know I've been bad that I just cant control the urges to get pissed. Every time.(He said Im just like his ex, which mean Im sooo gonna have to change or else I'll end up like her) I know I've been like this since long time ago which somehow leads my previous relationship to an end, I guess. Apart from other stuffs too, of course. So yeah. Now lesson learned and I want to make a change. I love him so much that I dont care about my temper or my ego anymore. I just wanna be that one and only Bety he used to know; the one who had captured his heart (he said). Yes Im doing it and it works! Now I see the sparks between us again. Just like the first time. ILY, MU =)

Ikut Hati atau Logic?

Aku bukannya tak faham yang orang busy sana sini. Faham je.... Tapi kenalah faham aku. Tak boleh salahkan aku untuk sentap dalam hal ni. Wajar kot aku sentap! Aku drive all the way dari Melaka untuk pishaaang je kat rumah. Naiss. Yes kita dah habiskan masa satu malam sama-sama. Tapi still tak sama dengan expectation aku. Hah sapa suruh berharap. Si bodoh. Kan kau dah sedih sekarang. Tapi tolong jangan samakan LUANGKAN MASA dengan CELEBRATE lah. Tak sama langsung tau. CELEBRATE ni maknanya aku tak keluar duit langsung, hari tu memang khas untuk aku je, semua benda special, mood aku baik. Tapi satu pon takda kan? Maksudnya disini, tak wujud kejadian CELEBRATION disini. Faham? Pathetic lah anda ini Bety. Aku nak gelakkan kau seribu kali. Padan muka.

August, eleven. (11.15pm)

Nothing's happen. Takde apa-apa jadi. Kan aku dah cakap awal-awal yang aku ni mampu berangan je kan. Hah sekarang sila pasrah. Claim hadiah dengan abang dia cakap "ehh haritu abg joy dah belikan topup tu kira hadiah laa" (-.-") Claim dengan mak dia cakap "haa mak dah bagi ubat vitamin RM10 tu kira hadiah lah" (-.-"). Okay Bety please deal with the fact that kau ni FOREVER ALONE. Hadiah kau sekarang ni adalah TIDOR. bye. T~T

*Aku tanak cakap pasal dia. Mungkin harini tadek apa-apa tapi esok lusa mungkin ada. Dia ingat. Tapi kau kena sedarlah Bety. Tadek nak dapat special-special nyaaa. Kau tu berharap sape suruh. Hah tunggu je lah. Ada tu ada lah. Kalau takde, diam dan lupakan.(nak nangis sampai esok) 

August, eleven. (2pm)

Hehehe... Nice start so far. I fetch him and we went sahur together at McD coz I've been craving for their hot cakes! Then he told me the story about Kuda hitam dengan Si Pari-Pari before I fell asleep. Well of course he made up that tale. hihi... But I think it sweet! Then we went home because he have to work. He promised me to treat me dinner tonight. We'll seeee....hehe.

*Tapi macam semua nak berbuka kat rumah mak ramai-ramai ni. Cane nak date?

I Love August !

Heyy its August! So yeahh Ahlan wasahlan ya Ramadhan. This year, again, Ramadhan falls in the month of August. And I've always waiting for this month to come every year. Hehehe its because I've prepared my wish list! You know what it is for...

I want a nice surprise for that day.

Nak cake! Mesti ada cake tak kesah lah kecik ke besar ke muffin cake ke janji cake. Yang penting presentation haruslah special.hehe..

Nak pergi tempat makan yang hebat. Tak perlu mahal pon tapi kene special.

Nak ada orang yang tersayang kat situ masa tu. 

Mood mesti baik.

Pastu tiba-tiba dapat surprise gift.

Tapi tak fikir lagi nak hadiah apa.

*sumpah tak tau nak apa*

So surprise me ^~^

(boleh jugak sesiapa tambah koleksi BB cover aku sebab malas beli sendiri huehue..) 

Dream on Bety kau tak payah berangan sebab takkan dapat punya menda-menda ni. Macamlah kau best sangat orang nak celebrate-celebrate kan. haaaa dah senyap je k nanti. Dah la puasa orang takde masa nak melayan. K baii. sobbsss....

I'm going to spend the whole evening with him ;)

Random Shit.

So I've been away leaving my blog cold here alone. Well guess what? We're just the same. Gone through a totally same situation. There's a lot of things to say here but I probably forgot about it already. It's been stressful weeks. I don't know I just felt that I'm tearing apart now. Not to mention all those fucking mood swings. You see I felt something changing here. I mean, me myself. I don't know. Its just that everything around me keep stressing me out. And for me, I don't know why now I felt that I keep having a personal outburst against the world, against every thing. I made tons of silly mistakes. I'm disappointing my lover. What am I thinking??? But yet he still accept me for who I am and still giving me chances and chances. Why would he done that for a stupid person like me? I'm totally clueless. Now I'm totally understand. He just loved me so much. Maybe. Its my guess I don't know for sure. Only he knew. But yeah. No body's perfect. And I'm nobody. So that's mean I'm perfect! Right? Okay whatever. 

* So we had a long deep conversation that night. Now I'm very deeply unconditionally IN LOVE with him. Muhd Uqbah Aziz. Just trust me.

We love fooood !

Satay Zul, Kuantan.

 Monrods, Kuantan.

Thanks for the treat sayang !

Good Time !

I had a nice days last week. It feels so refreshing when you go out and have fun with the lovely people around you. So my long-time-no-see pals have came to spend their weekend in Kuantan. So all and all, we had a good time! And we're kinda exceeding our budget though. But it's okay. The thing is we had a great time and great photos too! Here they are.

vanity like ass!

 yes we're happy :)

They make my day.

 

vane in a car was so duhh hehe

Meal time!!!

So great thanks to Nunul and Jieha for coming. Looking forward to spend another weekends with you guys next time! Lots of love.

              

Partners

My back's in pain. My legs and my arms also. It was a tiring day but it turns out awesome! Well couple of days ago, again, I was offered a job for a video coverage for the Royal Concert in Temerloh, Pahang. So my sweetheart was part of the crew also. It's a good feeling to have to work with someone you loved. My dad, my best friend, and my lover. At the same place making money. hehe... Thought to spend them together could be fun! How about a vacation? Island, beaches, sands... Gosh! 
 

 

* He's hoping to get promoted. hehe.

LIFE...You're an awesome bitch!

People in general are cruel to one another. The only way to have fun to them is to make fun of someone. I hate that. Why cant someone be different? Why cant someone be themselves without being made fun of? I hate society because of how they judge people and how everything is based on looks and shit. We barely have time to react in this world, let alone rehearse, and I dont think that I'm better than you but I dont think that I'm worse. Women learn to be women, and men learn to be men, and I dont blame it all on you, but I dont want to be your friend. I'm sorry? But I'm not a jerk to others. So be nice or fuck yourself please?

LIKE A BOSS!

Heyyy hello there... So I've been away lately coz I dont feel like blogging I dont know why. Maybe there's no interesting stuff to be shared I guess. Well for today's entry, I just want to say that I just did something which was soooo LIKE A BOSS! hahaha... So yeah. I know you now huh! You're just one pathetic big head creature who worked her ASS to look good and happy. I felt sorry for you dear. Who do you expect to eat all your lies? Everyone knows you. You said you wanna start a new life, key of freedom bla bla bla whatever your crap shits was. But in the end, you just lied to yourself. You knew what you wrote are just your fantasies. Your hopes which are too good to be true. So Im sorry for you. That's all. Be happy with your new LIES okay. Oops I mean LIFE.  :D

p/s: I noticed you did mentioned this one character which I believed is me. Screw you! Screw your big head asshole!

#3 Sleep = Dead

14 hours is a loooooong period of time. I missed him so much. But this one thing need to be changed. Or else it will get worse and worse and tears and frustration and anger and lastly, vanish. The sweet feelings could vanish. We dont want that dont we?

He said he love me so much. :')

Untitled

Assalamualaikum salam sejahtera. Kepada anda semua moga bahagiaaa....Sigh. Well it's been a while since my last entry. And it's sad to say that I'm in Melaka. Again. The thing is now I'm not that pathetic coz someone was sacrificing his time and responsibility just to be with me. Just to comfort me a little bit so I dont get too upset living in this awful-boring-lifeless Melaka. But somehow, the person will leave and I'll stuck here alone. Thanks to god I still have Pluplup by my side. She's a great companion. Well yesterday she has lost her collar I made for her long time ago. So I got her a new one with leopard design. Looks good on her. Sometimes it's better to befriend with animal coz their are loyal to you and always be there for you. Unlike human, they're hypocrites, sarcastic, and have their own agenda. You see, I'm not enjoying my university life coz I'm surrounded by these kind of people. It's nice to hangout with them but deeply inside me said, they are not your friend. Dont give yourself too much hope on them. So I'm loosing my hope on them. I'm loosing my trust on them. Yes. Just let me be. All I know now is that I'll try my best to finish my studies, get the fucking diploma, and get the hell out of this fucking place! I want to start a new life with new people. I'm counting days. God please guide me and give me strength. Amin.

#2 : Worst date ever.

da questo momento, io non so davvero cosa dire. tutto quello che so che mi odierai il tuo atteggiamento del cazzo! sei un dolore nel culo. So im non sapposed dire tutto questo, ma im davvero male. si sta facendo impazzire. sei fottuto culo tale che non ascoltano mai Ive ha detto nulla. Non lo so. cant lasciarti andare perché so che è una perdita. ma io veramente cant stand il tuo atteggiamento. il suo cazzo di culo! io non conosco altro modo efficace per esprimere la mia rabbia ora. se solo se ho avuto un sacco da boxe in questo momento questo momento, sarebbe bello perché mi sento come qualcosa di pugni in questo momento. oh mio dio cazzo questo è pesante! Im così incazzato freaking figlio di puttana! fuuuuhhh ... va bene, io non intendo quello che ho detto. Im giusto cazzo matto. buona scopata!

Rojak Entry

Its been like 2 weeks already. How fast time passed by. Kesan melecet pada otak aku ni masih belum pulih akibat dari terlalu stress semasa menjalani semester 5 yang baru sahaja 2 minggu berakhir. Now I know if there's an award for a bad blogger, it must be me who win it. Yeah I've been away for quite some time as my broadband has reached its limit. So yeah, it would be like forever to load a page with this slow streaming. Well there's ups and downs happen to me back then. And I dont know where to start. Let see...

 

LOVE. Yeah you always said that we never fight when we were just friends. I know and I understand. But somehow I dont know why we quarrel so much too frequent as if it feels incomplete without fighting each other every single day. And its just because of some stupid thing mostly. Honey, I dont know what to say about this but all I know is that I love you so much and lets just put all the fight scenes between us as a sweet memories to remember, okay? Dont think negatively. I know we have future together. Just wait and see.

 

So during this semester break, I'm more focus on this one thing-MONEY. I'm totally business minded mode right now. All I think about now is how to multiply my income. Yes my current work as a video/photographer is quite good but I'm thinking to build my own business. I mean, something that will fully handled by me. I'm so excited right now. I hope the incoming "September Project" will come true. I've been visualizing it since so long before and I really hope it will work. For now, Jual Kueh. hihihi~ Business minded mode yaww! Just grab the chance. 

Ohh ya! Semangat untuk memasak semakin berkobar-kobar. I dont know why tapi aku macam mak-mak je sekarang. Nak jadi chef sexy macam ni. Tak dapat kot. Bye.

New Header

So I changed my header. Sebab ada seorang sahabat aku ni macam follow blog ni dan kutok ke-skema-an blog ini. Hamekk kau aku dah tukar! But still aku rasa macam skema jugak. kahkahkah! Sial la kau aku jadi tak natural dah tau pasnihhh. Nak update pon fikir dua kali. Anyway, I dont have much to say here today. Tomorrow will be the last battle for this semester, apart from the short film preview. I hope everybody gonna love the movie. I've put a lot of efforts on it. Same goes to all members of Kotak Kreatif Production. I've tried my very best to edit the film and I hope it will turn out awesome. So just wait and see. If there's flaws, I'm so sorry but I guess I'm proud of it already. Heyy it's my first movie kot!!! Apa pun the movie will be uploaded here soon okay. :')

Sekarang.

Now I'm currently preparing myself for the final exams. Well I dont know what's gonna happen. Yeah I think this sem is the most fucked up sem ever and I can tell what's gonna happen next sem. Everything is politics. No matter what it is, every thing must have their own politic. We know that people with power can do anything to weaker people. I dont know. I just wanna say something here. Straight from the bottom most part of my heart. What's happening to me? I really need time and chance to escape from here. I want to disappear. The only thing that can cheer me up is him. Just him for the moment. Thank you so much love. Thanks so much for your support.  

Kejutan Manis !

He came to Melaka again. And again, with a little surprise. Guess what it is? hehehe...

So I love you Nomey. Ohh ya! Of course I love you the most sweetheart and thank you so much. Tolong lah jadi sweet macam ni sampai ke tua. hihihi =')

p/s: Dah boleh pause dulu kot MP3 player tu.

Relieved.

 I dont wanna think about what's past. I've gone through too much shits for the past few months. Sampai menyampah dengar lagu "baby are you down down down down down?" Tok mu!!! Yes I'm down and I'm the only one who can change that fact. But now I can finally breath a bit. Just a little. I've overcome many obstacles one by one and I'm proud of myself for having the guts to challenge myself. I know I can do a lot better, its just that I have to work harder.

#1 Ex-girlfriend

Be strong...Be strong...

Awww Sweetnye omeyyy omeyyy ni

B : syg,I got a surprise for you.

me: what is it, b?

B : Taraaaaa~

Hahaha I was like awwww why he have to be this sweet??? hehehe... I know its just durian. But heyyy! I was craving for it since long long time ago. So when he brought it all the way from KL for me, I was soooo happy! Non-stop doww makan. And he was like "syg, b kutip kat dusun tauuu b pakai boxer je kat dusun tu (ngap ngap)" Awww he make me smile really.

Koyakkkk !

    Im in a terribly depressed stage of life right now. This semester is such a pain in the ass, seriously! We were like zombies wondering around the campus, not enough sleep, starving, tired, and stress!!! I know everybody gone through the same situation but I dont know. Its just that I dont understand why must I be the one who handle everything. Why Im the only one who have to decide, to think, to do everything? No Im not saying that they dont do their part. But still, even the parts been given to them, they seems like know nothing and at the end of the day, me myself again, have to do everything. And if I just let it be, no one cares. No one got the effort to fix what's wrong. So when the submission day, the product was F-ing sucks! So is that my fault? I know they dont even care about their marks but I care! 

     Now Im really stressed out. I feel like my head is about to explode! Baby Im sorry Ive been ignoring you for so long. Im too busy and I hope you'll understand. I know what you feel. You just pretend that you dont mind. But again, I hope you understand sweetheart. Things will get better as soon as I finished this hectic semester okay. We can always be together like before. Please wait for me. I love you. 

L.O.V.E

Hati aku berbunga-bunga ketika ini. So its explains the title. hahaha... I dont know what to say. The only thing I know is right now right here at this moment, my heart is totally belong to someone special now. I love him so much. I dont care for what's goin' to happen in the future, all I know is about how I feel right now.
People said that we have to think for the future. Plan what's gonna happen. But please lah. Im tired of thinking and focused too much for the future. Its like what's happened now doesn't matter? To me, I wanna live my life to the fullest. I care about my future. I plan for my future. But hellooooo... No need to overdo it right? I dont have to worry too much. Just enjoy what you have now lah kan. Kalau hari hari asyik fikir yang lambat laun, kekasih kau tu buat hal punye, memang tak ke mana la kan. Memang semak la kepala hotak tuuu... And I know about the law of attraction. Its not that everything is true I mean, yelah, kang kalau aku caya sangat-sangat law tu kang ada pulak yang cakap aku kapir la freemason lah hapa sume. No. I just agreed the fact that our brain can control everything. The power of our inner belief towards the surrounding. Sama macam lagu 'jika kau fikirkan kau boleh' tu laaaa...If you want something, go for it. Dont hesitate. Once you hesitated, you're lost. So what I meant is that, when you keep producing a negative vibe and aura, the negative things will show up. That's it. Its simple. Sama macam kita lah. Asyik fikir bf kita akan buat tu buat ni, lama-lama menda tu akan jadi lah. Soooo... Motif aku beleter panjang-panjang ni adalah untuk menerangkan kondisi hati aku sekarang. Dimana ianya berbunga-bunga kerana telah jatuh chenta. ahaks!! hahaha... So I dont care if people said Im over reacted ke kan. Im just happy. Nanti bila aku dah tak happy ke kena tinggal ngan kekasih ke, aku buat pulak entry aku frust. Kan senang. haaa k lah panjang.

p/s : he's coming here now with a little surprise for me. I wonder what it is. hehehe~

Blogger Tidak Disiplin

Hello M.I.F !! it's been a while. As I'd told for many times earlier, Im a bad bad bad blogger. Yes I've been ignoring my blog for like 2 months I guess? Fuhhhh~ Well, there have been good stuffs and bad stuffs to tell. And I dont know if I still remember. HAHA! sooo..... The highlights are first, I have a new bf. Okay I know Im over-excited. Dah tu macam mana tak excited, Aku bahagia kot sekarang. And yes I know that every things still new, tengah hangat lagi kan...Its been only 3 months but who cares! I had a good time with him. I wonder why why and why we dont hooked up before??? Before all crazy shits I've gone through all this while. We've been friends since high school and there's a little something between us at that time but I dont know. We never plan to get together until now. This is crazy seriously! I've been wasting my poor life for like 3 years with a wrong person. But still, however, I appreciate what he taught me within that time. I appreciate our time but sorry, its a waste. You're just like a sweet smelling scent of summer. Not lasting. Now Im starting a new chapter in my life. With him. Full of love. =) 
Second, I have learn that I cant put too much trust on people anymore. People are very good in making things up. They are hypocrite! In my previous entry Ive been telling how good they are, how lucky I am to know them, how they care for me all this while. But yes. Thats all bullshit! They never care for me. They all are just a bunch of pretenders. They never care if Im dead. Seriously, I know who they actually are now. Sorry, but fuck you.

Hari Ahad

Hello! Now I think I have more time to update my blog as I'm not really busy for the moment. NO NO dah start busy sebenarnya tapi saja je cakap tak busy. hahaha oke panjang. Well today I went out to Bandar Melaka with my close friend. He's a good guy. He always take care of me. Always finding chance to help me in any way. I'm very glad to know him. So we went window shopping. He bought me some stuff. Terharu oke. Malu jugak la tapi sebab macam asal kau nak belanje aku nye kan aku bukan awek kau pon. teeheheheeeheee...Tapi org kate rezeki jangan ditolak kan. heheheheheee... Then he took me to Jonker Walk where I found a really awesome stylish spec I've been searching all this while! Only cost rm12, so ape lagi wa angkat la! :)))  It was a refreshing feeling to go out and spoiled yourself sometimes.  Lagi lagi bersama rakan baik yang disenangi. Dulu aku macam tak suka pon Melaka ni lagi lagi Jonker Walk yang penuh ngan maknusia tuuu. Tapi tadi macam tak ramai sangat dan suasana pon macam sejuuukk je. So layan ajaaa.... It was fun. And on top of that, it is fun to be single again. I mean like I dont have to worry anymore. I dont have to have that uneasy feeling of guilty because I went out with other guy friend. I dont have to update every single thing to him anymore. Now I can finally.....BREATH. Congrats Bety.  :))))

Guess what? Im smiling :)

So it's beautiful. I've had a beautiful weekend with my lovely pals for the past 2 days. Sangat sangat seronok oke. Bukan ape...its just that keriangan bersame sahabat sahabatku ni bole distract fikiran aku yg tengah bercelaru ni. I love my friends so much. Afamosian, you guys rocks! First time aku main PES ngan korang semua. Fun gile kot. Ini yang aku perlukan sekarang. Kawan kawan. Walaupun bukan ape sangat pon activity yang kita buat. Tapi semua tu bagi impact kat aku. Aku gembira sangat ada korang. Mungkin ada yang tak bersetuju dengan social life aku. But then who cares? I just want to have fun. Only for now. Coz I really need it. Kadang kadang rasa nak menyewa je kat Afamosa tu and duduk dengan mereka sampai habis belajar. Tapi tak manis pulak kan.....hehehehehe...So takpe. Im looking forward to lepaking with you guys again soon. Next agenda, SWIMMING POOL!!!  :)

January

It's January. So Happy New Year!!! Okay fine dah basi pon. I've just settled the broadband bill so thats why lah aku macam lambat gila nak update blog nih. Macam dah bersawang jugak blog ni kerna sudah lama tidak diberi perhatian. Patot la nama laman sesawang kan? Oke bia. So...Nothing much to share for today's entry. Its just that new year not goin' too good so far. Break up, heart broken, assignments, kene tipu ngan tukang paip cina, duit bayar saman lah bill lah ape lancauuuu sume tuhhh! So setakat ni macam sucks gila hari hari tahun baru yang aku lalui. Satu pon new year's resolution aku tak buat. Demmm...Ape nak jadi ntah. But thanks to God I have my friends with me. Mereka adalah pengubat hatiku yang sedang parah berduka sekarang ni. Mereka yang berjaya buat aku ketawa. Mereka adalah yang setia. Aku yakin aku boleh harungi dugaan ni. Right now at this moment Im listening to DefinitelyMaybe first EP I bought from Dzafri petang tadi. His band. Aku support. Dan lagu lagu nya layan jugak. Oke bye.