Envy

Sometimes I think I'm being too transparent. I wish I could be a little bit more mysterious so that people who really wanna know me would put more effort to dig it up. But somehow, I cant hide it. I think I am a transparent type of person. I found a hard time learning you. I mean, you are unpredictable. So its hard for me to understand you yet know what's in your heart, what you're thinking. I think I became a bit paranoid because I'm afraid that I might hurt your feeling somewhere I don't know. And I'm scared that you might ignore me again, like before, which really drove me crazy! So I don't want that. But yet, it's hard for me to swim through your thick layer of mysteriousness. I don't wanna lose you. Not now. I envy you. How could you hide most part of your life while I'm being too loud about myself. You always left me confused. Even when you don't even speak. You always keep me wondering. Or maybe I'm the one who keep wondering everything about you. Doubt at you even when you might be real. Maybe I like you too much that I felt so insecure. Maybe I want you to prove something to me. Perhaps, at least, your feelings towards me. Well I know. I wont push you. I'll keep those wonders to myself. Coz the truth may hurt and the happiness might not last for long. So what do you say? Follow the flow? Well easy for you and I'm weak. I keep losing from the very beginning.